As most of you know, Mark and I have been dealing with fertility issues for almost 5 years. It was December 2006 that we decided it was time to add to our family. Well, God had other plans for us. I don't understand...not sure I ever will, the reasoning behind all the pain that we've endured over the past few years. I am not at a point of being able to fully forgive either. I hope that holding Luke and seeing what a miracle he is will help the healing process.
Christmas time has always been my favorite time of year. As most people will tell you, the tree goes up Thanksgiving day in our house...usually, at least by the end of that weekend. The longer we get to celebrate this magical time of year, the better! However, the past two years, Christmas and December have been some of the hardest times in my life. We lost our second child in December 2009. The weeks and months following our miscarriage were a blur. The world kept moving and yet, here I was standing alone wondering what had just happened. We'd been given this amazing gift of life only to have it taken away from us so soon. As the months went on it got easier...easier to get out of bed, easier to look at a baby, easier to breathe. As our July due date approached I felt taken back again. Newborns were everywhere...except for mine.
I can only imagine that every December 7th and every July 22nd will be a hard day for me. But knowing that this December 7th I will be holding our sweet baby boy makes the thought of that day bearable.
We are so blessed to have the friends and family that we do - that is the only thing that's helped me to move forward.
On November 18th (or sooner) our family of 4 will be together, finally. My heart can't wait.
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